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David and Goliatha

David and Goliatha

A play in one act

Written by

Tarl N. Telford

 

 

 

SCENE ONE -  Soda Shoppe

 

Three small tables and a handful of chairs make up the furniture in this small establishment.  It's the hip place to hang out for all the high school kids.

 

A CHESS BOARD sits omnipresent on one of the tables.

 

DAVID and SHEP enter, arguing over a chess game.

 

David is captain of the chess team and brilliant in his own awkward way. 

 

SHEP is David's right hand ham. He doesn't say much (or anything), but makes his message heard in other ways.

 

                                                DAVID

                You always do that.  You set me up with that stupid line, "The Queen is the most powerful, she       decides the fate of the game."  Well, Mr. Smarty-pants, I'll have you know that despite my ruddy          appearance and cool demeanor, I David McNobbertson, say this,

                                (pause)

                brace yourself, "The Queen is not the most powerful piece on the chessboard." A bold statement,   some might say, and why should they not? I will tell you why I say that. You might want to get out              a pencil to write this down. The King is the most powerful piece on the chessboard.  It doesn't                 matter how much power the Queen thinks she has, if the King can move independently.  The game      is not over until the King concedes defeat.

                                (deep breath)

                There.  I've said it. Hard cheese to swallow, I'm sure, but well worth the dental benefits.

                                (bows)

                I admit, you win this game, this mere pittance of a match, but the larger truth is that I have grasped              what very few in the world know, or for that matter, can know. The truth is -

 

David's brother, BOOMER, and his gang of MISFITS enter.

Boomer is a Senior, starting quarterback, all around high school royalty. But it doesn't keep him from being a jerk.

 

THE MISFITS are Boomer's gang of hangers-on.  They consist of JONNY, Boomer's right hand man. LONNY, Boomer's left hand man. And DONNY, Boomer's other left hand man.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (grabs toothpick)

                David, my smart as nails little brother, still sore about that stupid chess game?

 

                                                DAVID

                Hello, Boomer.

 

                                                BOOMER

                And your silent friend? What does he have to say?

 

                                                DAVID

                Doesn't have to say anything, he won.

 

                                                JONNY

                Maybe we ought to punch him.

 

                                                LONNY

                Punch lines into him.

 

                                                DONNY

                Then we'd have a punch line.

 

Shep leans over and whispers to David.

 

                                                DAVID

                He says hi.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Hey man, what's up? Good game.

                                (punches David)

                Beat the captain.

 

                                                JONNY

                We heard you been talking 'bout us.

 

David ties on a work apron.

 

                                                LONNY

                Whatchoo been saying?

 

                                                DONNY

                I heard talking trash.

 

David picks up a garbage can.

 

                                                DAVID

                I've been picking up trash that you and your boys have been leaving all over the place. I'm really going to get in trouble if you don't keep them in line.

 

The MISFITS wrestle over a ketchup and mustard bottle. They end up tangled together, threatening to open up the bottles.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Hey! Cool it. Little boy bro wants to keep it clean.

 

Shep sets up the chessboard for a new match.

 

                                                BOOMER

                The least we can do is not try to make messes.

 

Boomer knocks over a stack of napkins on his way to the door.

 

QUEENIE and THE HIVE enter.

 

 

QUEENIE is the quintessential ruler of the school. Head Cheerleader, Homecoming queen, you get the idea.

 

The Hive is the ever present entourage. The Hive comprises SANDY, the crown princess.  MANDY, who wears rings galore, and shows them off even more. CANDY, bracelets, and bangles, and beads, oh my.  And lastly - JILL. Jill is Queenie's little sister.

 

Jill stops dead in her tracks when she sees Boomer. Her heart pitter-pats as Boomer and Queenie circle each other - Boomer exiting, and Queenie entering. 

 

Queenie scoffs at Boomer. He brushes it off.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Let's blow this place.

 

The Hive pushes silently past the Misfits, noses in the air.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Last chance, Queenie. I'm going.

 

No response. Except from Jill. She drools as Boomer walks by her.

               

                                                QUEENIE

                We'll take an order of sodas. One for each of us. Myself, Sandy, Mandy, Candy, and Jill.

                                (sees Jill drooling)

                Jill!

 

Jill jumps. She trips over a chair.

 

Boomer and the Misfits laugh at her.

 

                                                JONNY

                Two-step program to success.

 

                                                LONNY

                First step - look where you're going.

 

                                                DONNY

                Second step - oops, she tripped. Too bad.

 

Jill jumps up from the floor. Right in front of Boomer.

 

                                                JILL

                Hi, Boomer.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Whatever.

 

Boomer and Misfits EXIT.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Well girls, here's the scoop. The Activities committee, including me, of course, has announced         with only a week to spare, that this dance is going to be a Sadie Hawkins Dance.

 

 

                                                SANDY

                Oh what fun. Everybody will be there.

 

                                                MANDY

                How exciting. What will I wear?

 

                                                CANDY

                Who's Sadie Hawkins?

 

                                                JILL

                Sadie Hawkins is not a who, she's a what?

                                                THE HIVE

                A What?

 

                                                JILL

                Exactly.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                A Sadie Hawkins Dance means that we girls have all the power.  No more waiting to get asked on dates. Not that waiting is really a problem for any of us.

 

Jill stares out the door after Boomer.

 

                                                JILL

                                (wistful)

                No. Not a problem at all. If he'd even notice I'm alive.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Jill. Pay attention. There's more. This is the important part.

 

                                                SANDY

                More? What could possibly be better?

 

                                                CANDY

                Better than picking your boy out of an admiring pack? It doesn't get any better than that?

 

                                                MANDY

                Except picking out what dress you're going to wear.

 

They all agree.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Better than all of that. Or should I say, in addition to. Not only do you get to pick the boy of your dreams to accompany you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, but the Splendiferous Soda Shoppe here        has promised a free dinner to the cutest couple.

 

Shock and awe. Amazement.  They've been given the key to true happiness.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                How's that for a treat. You get the Sadie Hawkins power to choose your date for not just one          dance, but two dates.

 

                                                SANDY

                But what if you don't like your date?

 

                                                MANDY

                What if his clothes are like, totally from the '40's?

 

                                                CANDY

                And what if Jill doesn't get a date again? Do we have to share?

 

Jill is totally oblivious to their conversation.

 

                                                JILL

                And what if he's totally dreamy?

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Girls, girls, girls, how did you ever live without me?  You're not listening. You've got the Sadie           Hawkins Power.  The Student Council Activities Committee said so. And if the Activities        Committee says so, it will be so. You are the Queens of this game.

 

Queenie picks up a CHESS QUEEN from the middle of David's game.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Like any game, the Queen has the power. You get to choose your date. You. Not him. You.

 

                                                CANDY

                I really want to know what happens if Jill doesn't get asked again, because I'm going to ask             someone that really doesn't like her and I don't want her hanging over my dream date all night.

 

                                                MANDY

                I've got this perfect dress, and I don't want to have to share any of my jewelry.

 

                                                SANDY

                I think I'm beginning to see your point. We ask, and they drool.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                No more waiting for phone calls. No more lousy dates. And no more horror stories. No more trying                 to figure out what's the problem with boys.

 

Sandy, Mandy, and Candy exit, buzzing excitedly about who they're going to ask and what they're going to wear.

 

Queenie and Jill retire to a table for a sisterly talk.

 

David and Shep get up from their game.

 

                                                DAVID

                Okay, so this illustrates your point perfectly. The Queen has the power. But that seems pretty one sided. It doesn't answer the question.

 

**Musical Number - "What's The Problem With Girls?"

 

As David sings, Shep dances.

 

David and Shep sit back to their chess game. Queenie and Jill rise for a verse of "What's The Problem With Boys?"

Jill sings a solo verse about her loneliness and unsurety about the world.

 

End Scene 1

SCENE TWO - School Hallway

 

A row of Lockers lines one wall. The hallway is empty.

 

Jill enters. She pulls out a roll of masking tape and a carefully written NOTE.

                                                JILL

                There's his locker. It's so dreamy. That's where he keeps his books, and his letterman's sweater, and               his gym socks.

                                (big romantic sigh)

                I've got less than a minute before the bell rings.  I'm lucky that I could sneak out of the library        early. But what if someone needs help finding a book on the nocturnal habits of greater american   porcupines? Oh, I can't think about that now. I have a mission of love to fulfill.

 

Jill imagines Boomer in front of her.

 

                                                JILL

                Boomer, I've been amazingly in love with you for my whole life. It would be a dream come true if                 you would go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with me.

                                (pulls out a pencil)

                That sounds better than what I wrote.

 

Jill tries to erase her note. The pencil falls.

 

The BELL rings.

 

Students flood the halls, going back and forth between classes.

 

                                                STUDENT

                I couldn’t find a book on the nocturnal habits of greater american porcupines.

 

Jill fumbles with the Masking Tape, but she can't get it to rip right. Then the masking tape falls out of her hands. It rolls out of her reach.

 

Jill lunges for the roll of masking tape, but can't reach it. She crawls after the tape and loses the NOTE.

 

The note falls on the floor in front of Boomer's locker.

 

Jill grabs the Masking tape. She rises triumphant and turns back toward the task at hand. She feels around, but the note is gone!

 

She gasps and sees the note on the floor. Boomer enters and goes to his locker.

 

Jill quickly turns around so he won't see her.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (sniffs deeply)

                Ah, gym socks.

 

Boomer picks up the note. He looks around, but nobody looks like they dropped anything. He unfolds it.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (continuing; reading)

                "Dear Boomer" hey, it's for me. "Dear Boomer, I think you're just great." They've got good taste. I                 am great. In fact, I'm the best there is at what I do. And what I do, I do it best ... of anyone.    Anyhow, "I have watched you from afar, and I have wistfully longed to hear you say that you want             to dance with me."

                                (looks around, startled)

                Hey, anyone drop this?

                                (laughs)

                Somebody wants me to go to the dance with them. And they think that this note will get me to say                yes. Let's see if the Hardy Boys can figure out who wrote this note.

                                (holds note up to light)

                Hmm. Handwriting looks female, girlish, and pretty. Big words, probably smart. Eraser marks here

                                (sniffs)

                Fresh.

 

Jill turns around. Their eyes meet. Boomer takes a step toward Jill. They are drawn to each other. Jill's eyes light up. She's floating on air -

 

Then the MISFITS enter.

 

                                                JONNY

                Boomer man.

 

                                                LONNY

                Buddy Boomer.

 

                                                DONNY

                Freakazoid, who is not annoyed.

                                (smug)

                That's a rhyme. I'm good at rhyming. It comes natural to someone like me.

 

Boomer tries to hide the note behind his back.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Jonny, my right hand man. Lonny, my left hand man. And Donny, my other left hand man.

 

                                                DONNY

                Other left hand man with the plan, man.

 

                                                JONNY

                You feeling all right? You're looking kind of jumpy.

 

                                                LONNY

                Sweating like a radish in a hot plate.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Nothing. I don't have - I'm not hiding anything, why?

 

                                                JONNY

                                (presses Boomer's nose)

                Your nose is growing Pinocchio.

 

Boomer rears up to his full height and raises his fist.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Do not touch the face!

 

Donny grabs the note out of Boomer's back pocket.

 

                                                DONNY

                Here it is.

                                (reading)

                "Dear Boomer, I think you're great." It's a love letter!

 

                                                BOOMER

                It is not. Give it here.

                                                DONNY

                                (holds note away)

                Boomer's got a secret agent admirer.

 

Boomer leaps at the note, but Jonny and Lonny keep him away.

 

Jill watches all of this in horror.

 

OLGA enters. She is a Swedish exchange student. Shepherdess by trade, she is very sweet and tries to make friends quickly. She stares in wonder and awe at the school hallway.

 

Jill rushes over to Donny and tries to get the note.

 

                                                JILL

                Give it back. It's his, not yours.

 

The boys' scuffle freezes. Everybody in the hallway stops to watch. Jill is now keenly aware of her audience.

 

                                                JILL

                It doesn't belong to you. Boomer was reading it.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (ego bruised and defensive)

                What do you know about it?

 

Jill shakes her head, frozen in embarrassment and fear.

 

                                                BOOMER

                I'll tell you what I know. I know that I'm Captain of the football team. This letter on my sweater    didn't just fall out of the alphabet soup.

 

                                                JONNY

                                (snorts)

                Alphabet soup.

 

Boomer holds up a finger. Silence.

 

                                                BOOMER

                I know that Boomer is the big dog on this catwalk, and I don't need a little girl saving me.

                                (crumples note)

                Doesn't matter, 'cause Boomer doesn't need anyone sending mystery love notes.  he's got girls lined               up waiting to be next in line to hold my sweater. There's even some who want to hold my gym               socks.

 

                                                LONNY

                I thought I smelled something funny.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Who knows, you might have even wrote this note, but guess what? It's not going to happen. Not if                 you were the last girl in school and I didn't have a date. Why? Because Boomer doesn't need    rescuing by a little girl.

 

Boomer turns and snaps. (Like Fonzie, but as a jerk) The Misfits fall in line behind him. He tosses the crumpled note back over his shoulder. It lands at Jill's feet.

 

Olga stretches out her hand to Boomer and the Misfits.

 

                                                OLGA

                Hello, I am Olga.

 

They ignore her.  Olga tries another student.

 

Boomer and Misfits EXIT.

 

                                                OLGA

                Hello, I am Olga. Hello.

 

This continues, and everybody ignores her.

 

Jill slowly bends down to pick up the note.

 

MELVILLE OSTERIZER PETERSBURGH III enters. He's the dictatorial Hall Monitor. He wears the whole uniform - including sash and belt (maybe a beret). A notepad is in his hand. A rubber stamp and inkpad rest loosely in holsters on his belt.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                                (looks disgusted at Jill)

                Littering in the hallway. Inexcusable. That would be two demerits.

                                (scribbles citation and rips off page)

                Redeem this in the office for your punishment.

 

Numb, Jill takes it.

 

                                                OLGA

                                (to Melville)

                Hello, I am Olga. I herd sheep.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Heard sheep? No, Miss, no sheep here. Just hooligan students begging for citations.

                                (over Olga's shoulder)

                I saw that. You better keep moving. Yeah, I'm talking to you. You want to try me? I know for a     fact that Principal Ironhand has not tolerance for that kind of behavior. Inexcusable. Mmm-hmm, that's what I thought.

                                (to Olga)

                You see? Everybody fears me. I wear a sash. They know who has the power.

 

** Musical Number - "King of The Hallways"

 

Olga turns and smiles at another student - anything to get away from Melville. He watches her go. Olga EXITS.

 

                                               

                                MELVILLE

                Oh, yeah. She's mine.

 

QUEENIE enters. She goes to her locker and touches up her makeup.

 

Jill stares forlornly off into space.

 

Melville sees a crumpled paper go flying.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                I saw that! Come back here.

 

Melville chases the students almost off stage. He gets pelted by paper wads.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Inexcusable!

 

Melville EXITS.

 

Boomer ENTERS. He leans against a locker, watching Queenie. He struts up to Queenie, combing his hair back. Breathes into his hand and sniffs. Chokes. Shrugs and leans against Queenie's locker.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Hello Boomer.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (winks and nods)

                How you doin?

 

Queenie gags at Boomer's breath.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                 Garlic sandwich again?

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (pounds on chest)

                Good for the heart. Keeps me in shape. Keeps the vampires in the bay.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                At bay.

 

                                                BOOMER

                That too.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Is there something I can do for you?

 

                                                BOOMER

                I think you know. See Queenie, I was remembering something you said to me after the     Homecoming game. You said, "Boomer, that was an incredible pass you made at the last second to       win the eleventh straight homecoming game for the fighting Dustbunnies. Maybe you and I could     go get a soda. After all, we are the leaders of our respective social groups. We belong together."

 

 

 

                                                QUEENIE

                That tackle must've knocked your brains looser than before. What I actually said was, "Good        game. You going to the soda shoppe later?"

               

                                                BOOMER

                So you were asking me out.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Not really.

 

                                                BOOMER

                That's what I want to talk with you about. See, I had to pass on our little date, but I was thinking   that you could raincheck it to right now and ask me again.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Really, I don't think -

 

                                                BOOMER

                I know you girls think you've got all the power with this Sandy Hankenfeathers.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Sadie Hawkins.

 

                                                BOOMER

                That too. The way I see it, you're the head cheerleader and I'm the quarterback. It's meant to be.   Storybooks don't come much simpler than that.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                                (aside)

                Storybooks aren't the only things that simple. Well, he does have a point. Maybe I should ask him.

 

She points to Boomer.

 

Jill rushes up to Queenie and grabs her arm.

 

                                                JILL

                                (pulls Queenie across the hall)

                No!

 

                                                QUEENIE

                What is wrong with you? I was in the middle of asking -

 

                                                JILL

                No. You can't.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                You're my sister, but I can take care of myself. Remember who's the big sister here, Jill.

 

                                                JILL

                Just listen to me, please. I can't let you ask Boomer out because

                                (whispers in Queenie's ear)

                That's why.

 

Fire flashes in Queenie's eyes.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                He did what?!!

                                (to Boomer)

                I'll get back to you on that. A raincheck on the raincheck.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (points a finger gun and clicks)

                Gotcha. When you want me, you know how to find me.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Just follow the smell.

 

Boomer EXITS.

 

Olga ENTERS.

 

                                                OLGA

                                (to Queenie)

                Hello, I am Olga. I herd sheep.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                You're new here, aren't you?

 

                                                OLGA

                Oh yes. I am exchange from Sweden. I miss my sheep very much, but I like much this all amazing                which I had never imagined. It is so big. You can drive wagon right through. And those

                                (points)

                Are those lockers?

                                (gasps)

                They are big to fit two baby goats.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                You'll do just fine. You talk to people, right? I've seen you talk to just about everyone.

 

                                                OLGA

                Oh yes. I talk. People listen. Except not. Some do and that I am happy.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                I'd like you to get a message out to everybody for me. It's time that the boys know what we feel     like. No girl is going to ask a boy to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. If they can't see what a great girl         my sister is, they don't deserve to have any girl.

 

                                                JILL

                You'd do that for me?

 

                                                QUEENIE

                                (to Olga)

                So here's what I want you to tell everybody.

 

End Scene Two

 

 


 

SCENE THREE - Soda Shoppe

 

Olga sits alone at a small table, tapping her glass with a straw.

 

David and Shep ENTER.

                                                DAVID

                Well you don't have to grind your point into the ground. I get it. Everyone at school is talking          about it. The dance is going to be a bust. There's some people that are talking about not even                 going. What's the point of breathing if you can't go to a dance?

 

They sit down by the chessboard.

 

Shep adjusts the placement of the chessboard, fidgeting.

 

                                                DAVID

                Fine, you can be white this time. You don't have to bite my head off.

                                (pause)

                Sorry I snapped. I'm just really crunkled about this whole dance thing. It was going to be a huge     weight off my shoulders not sweating over who I would ask. Kind of an adventure. A walk on the     wild side.

                                (gestures with pawn)

                A chance to let the girl do all the planning and worrying.

 

Olga perks up. She leans toward them.

 

                                                DAVID

                Tell me, what do they have to worry about? Us guys plan everything, pay for everything. They just               have to wait and say yes. Your move.

 

Shep takes the rook.

 

Olga leans more. David looks back at her. She turns away, innocent.

 

                                                DAVID

                That's a good move. Say, I know you've got ears everywhere. This whole deal seemed to just          explode overnight.

 

Olga scoots her chair and table toward them. David turns, she looks away.

 

                                                DAVID

                Somebody must have planed this. But they would need a communications system. That means    talking.

 

Olga is almost on top of them.

 

                                                DAVID

                You've got your index finger on the pulse of Dusty Chaps High School. Who has access to               everyone? Who could cross the socio-adolescent boundaries and make this happen?

 

Olga leans treacherously close to their conversation.

 

                                                DAVID

                I'm getting a picture. It's close. I can almost feel it.

 

Olga leans behind their table, her face in between theirs.

 

                                                DAVID

                Almost got it.

 

Olga's chair tips, spilling her onto the floor.

 

                                                DAVID

                Your move.

 

Olga pops up from the floor and extends her hand.

 

                                                OLGA

                I am Olga. I am from Sweden.

 

David shakes her hand. Shep shakes her hand and it's electric. Shep jumps up and does a quick dance of love.

 

                                                DAVID

                                (ignoring Shep)

                Are you new here? I haven't seen you in the soda shoppe before.

 

                                                OLGA

                I herd sheep.

 

                                                DAVID

                You must be new. There aren't any sheep around here.

 

                                                OLGA

                I know. I miss my little dears so. Only they are not deer, they are sheep. Little fluffy sheep with

                                (makes big sheep eyes)

                 big sheep eyes.

 

Shep’s heart goes pitter pat.

 

                                                DAVID

                Do you - nah, you probably haven't heard anything.

 

                                                OLGA

                I herd sheep. Oh yes, I was the best flock in my village. All of the other girls wanted to be like my   sheep. But my sheep were never naughty, no.

 

                                                DAVID

                See, there's this dance coming up, and the girls are supposed to ask the guys, uh, boys, to the           dance, instead of the boys asking the girls.

 

                                                OLGA

                Yes, I see.

                                (quotes)

                "A Sadie Hawkins role reversal. The oppressor will feel the pain and loneliness of the oppressed.     They will wait and wait and their telephones will not ring. And this should be what they learn: that    the plainest girl is still a queen and should be treated like one."

 

                                                DAVID

                So you've heard about it.

 

 

                                                OLGA

                I'm sorry. I do not understand why the telephones will not ring. Do they not have them put in the   wall?

                                                DAVID

                It's like this.

 

** Musical Number - On the protocols of dating. Boys have to ask, girls have to wait, and the pressures on both, but now the roles are reversed and nobody can be happy.

 

                                                OLGA

                                (claps)

                My sheep would love to listen to that song. They like to hear about telephones.

 

Boomer and the Misfits ENTER.

 

                                                BOOMER

                I see your social standing hasn't changed. Still here with your blabbermouth friend.

 

                                                OLGA

                My mouth does not blabber!

 

                                                JONNY

                Not what I heard, man. Er, wo-man.

 

                                                LONNY

                All the boys don't have dates yet.

 

                                                DONNY

                We think you know why.

 

David steps up in front of Boomer. His older Brother is taller and bigger than him. David stands between Olga and Boomer.

 

                                                DAVID

                What do you want, Boomer? We're in the middle of a conversation.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (to Shep)

                That true?

 

Shep ignores Boomer. When Boomer turns around, Shep makes faces at him. They go back and forth three times.

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (continuing; to Olga)

                What about you, Miss Swedish Meatball? What were you talking about?

 

                                                DAVID

                That's none of your -

 

                                                OLGA

                Telephones. My sheep are so cute on the telephone. They put their little mouths on and they talk. But they can only see the telephone once in a week. We only have one telephone and they like to ...            but sometimes they want to be naughty. Cute little sheep should not be naughty. Naughty noo-noo.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Telephone. Convenient.

 

                                                JONNY

                Perfect.

 

                                                LONNY

                Priceless.

 

                                                DONNY

                All of the benefits, with none of the long distance charges.

 

Boomer puts his arm around Olga's shoulders and pulls her away from David's table.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Funny. I was just thinking about a game called Telephone.

 

                                                OLGA

                It is a game?

 

                                                JONNY

                A fun game.

 

                                                LONNY

                But you have to listen real close.

 

                                                DONNY

                And repeat everything you hear to the next person in line.

 

                                                BOOMER

                There's a story that goes along with it. About a giant.

 

                                                OLGA

                Beanstalk! The giant was named Beanstalk.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Uh -

 

                                                JONNY

                Nope.

 

                                                LONNY

                Sorry.

 

                                                DONNY

                But thanks for playing.

 

Olga's face drops.

 

                                                OLGA

                Did I not play good? Is the game over?

 

Boomer smacks Jonny, who stumbles into Lonny, who crashes into Donny. They all rub their heads.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Shush. The lot of you. Hey, David, what was the name of that giant in that book? You know, the famous one?

 

                                                DAVID

                That book?

 

                                                BOOMER

                Yeah, the book you read every Sunday.

 

                                                DAVID

                The Bible?

 

                                                BOOMER

                Yeah, the giant in that one.

 

                                                DAVID

                Goliath.

 

                                                JILL

                But Goliath isn't a girl's name.

 

                                                LONNY

                Maybe Goliath-ette.

 

                                                DONNY

                Goliath-ina.

 

                                                OLGA

                Goliatha?

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (snaps fingers)

                Goliatha.

                                (rhyming or singing)

                **Goliatha song

 

Olga chimes in on the last verse and belts it out -

 

Just as Queenie and the Hive ENTER.

 

Boomer and the Misfits make their escape out the back door.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Hello, Olga.

 

                                                OLGA

                Hello, I am Olga, yes. I was singing a song. It was a game. Do you want to play the telephone         game? I need to tell the next person. Will you be the next person?

 

                                                SANDY

                Are you moronic?

 

 

                                                MANDY

                Or idiotic?

 

                                                CANDY

                Or just completely out of your mind?

 

 

                                                JILL

                Why did you sing that song? Do you know who it was about?

 

                                                OLGA

                I was playing a telephone game.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                I've heard enough. This is war now.

 

Queenie and The Hive go to leave.

 

                                                OLGA

                I will go with you, yes?

 

                                                SANDY

                Are you deaf and blind? Can't you see what you've done?

 

                                                MANDY

                You are a menace. Go back to your own country.

 

                                                CANDY

                And take your stupid pigtails with you.

 

                                                JILL

                                (shakes her head)

                How could you not know?

 

Queenie and the Hive EXIT.

 

Melville ENTERS.

 

                                                DAVID

                Melville.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                That's Major Melville Osterizer Petersburgh III, to you, thank you. I've been promoted to First Hall               Monitor. That's just one step away from the man at the top. I don't even have to write citations any more. I have the rubber stamp.

                                (whips stamp and inkpad from belt holsters)

                One stamp from me and it's a full day of detention for you. Doesn't matter what time of day, or    where you are, if you're out of line, I will find you. My stamp shows no mercy.

 

                                                DAVID

                Doesn't power like that corrupt?

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Perhaps in lesser men. But I am above that petty power struggle. Because I have the power.

                                (steps back)

                Look and behold my power and grandeur.

 

                                                DAVID

                That's a sparkly sash. What's on the stamp?

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Only the most baneful, scornful image to exemplify social stigma imaginable. One look and people              will shun you. Oh yes, I hold that much power. Your social future rests in my hands. This water-             based ink won't wear off for a full twenty-four hours. So watch your step.

 

Olga hangs her head in sorrow and walks toward the door.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Hey you! I'm not finished yet. I'm talking to you the Swedish Sheep Impersonator. You see this?   This is a big red frowny face that will haunt your nightmares. I could stamp you with this and your   social life would be over. The people would shun you. Nobody would talk to you. Maybe I will.       Are you feeling lucky?

 

                                                OLGA

                No. No lucky. Naughty Olga.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                I'd say you are lucky. Lucky I'm a shepherd leading my flock to the promised grass is greener over                there. Go. Go in peace, little sheep. Go jump over a fence or something.

               

                                                DAVID

                Olga, wait a minute.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                My work here is done. My power is secure. None will dare to mock or make fun of me now.

 

With a swoosh, Melville EXITS.

 

                                                DAVID

                Olga, things are a mess right now. We'll fix it. We'll make it right somehow.

 

                                                OLGA

                We will fix it better again, yes?

 

                                                DAVID

                                (gestures to himself and Shep)

                We will. Not you. You're what started all of this in the first place. So just stay out of it. Let us           figure something out.

 

David EXITS.

 

Shep sets up the chessboard. He gestures Olga to sit down.

 

                                                OLGA

                I know even my sheep, my precious little sheepies, would call me a naughty noo-noo.

 

End Scene Three.


SCENE FOUR - Sadie Hawkins Dance

 

The dance is decorated as befits a dance of this magnitude. But the mood is anything but festive.

 

Boys line up on the left wall, and the girls on the right.

 

**Musical number - being strong. Never going to let the other side be right and win. They started this, now we're going to finish it and show them how wrong they were.

 

Dance Duel.

 

One of the boys jumps out into the middle to strut his stuff. All the girls stand up as a group. The boy dances and spins, losing his balance. He falls into the group of girls. He is quickly buried. Makeup flies.

 

Another boy comes out and dances. Falls by the wayside.

 

The girls step back from their "project". The captured boy has a clown face painted on. The girls hold a mirror up to him. He sees his reflection, screams, and runs away.

The dance duel is brief. The boys jump out one at a time. The girls stick together as a group. Nobody takes very long to dance. The boys all fall away - they get dizzy or trip or something in their rush to be macho.

 

As the boys fall, the corresponding girls sit down, fanning themselves.

 

The Misfits jump out, all three at once. The Hive steps up to their challenge.

 

David and Shep ENTER.

 

David grabs Boomer's arm and pulls him to the front of the stage.

 

                                                DAVID

                I heard what happened. You and your Misfits made fun of a girl and that's what started all of this.

 

                                                BOOMER

                It was between me and my boys. I don't need a girl to rescue me.

 

                                                DAVID

                Maybe you're not the one who needs rescuing. Maybe she wanted you to rescue her.

 

                                                BOOMER

                Oh. I guess I dropped the ball on that one.

 

                                                DAVID

                Don't drop the ball again, sport.

 

The Misfits all trip over each other. They're out. The Hive sits down, exhausted.

 

Boomer steps up. He's the last of the "boys".

 

                                                BOOMER

                I'll show you who's the champ. And when I beat you, you'll know I beat you.

 

David slaps his forehead and shakes his head.

 

                                               

 

                                                BOOMER

                                (continuing; to David)

                I won't drop the ball this time.

 

Boomer launches into a kung-fu/football inspired dance.

 

Queenie and Jill dance for the girls. Olga stands off to the side.

 

They all dance duel. Jill spins away and falls to the side. She's torn - she wants her sister to win, but she doesn't want Boomer to lose.

 

Boomer trips over his own feet. He falls.

 

Queenie stands triumphant and looks down with disdain at all the boys.

 

All of the boys hang their heads in shame. They've been beaten.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                So that's the best you have to offer? What is it you called me - Goliatha? Well it looks like this        Goliatha has defeated every single one of you warrior boys. I defy you. You've had your chance.      We win. So unless you come up with someone that can rock my world, set my head spinning, or        whatever you want to call it, you boys owe us everything.

 

David and Shep step forward.

 

Olga steps up when she sees Shep. They move toward each other. Queenie and David hold their arms out to stop Olga and Shep from crossing the line.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                So that's it? Nobody left? Nobody, excuse me, no Boy with enough guts to stand up for you. Well,                 I guess that shows the strength of your position.

 

David steps up to the challenge. Boomer jumps in his way.

 

                                                BOOMER

                I'm sorry, David. I dropped the ball. We lost. We're finished.

 

                                                DAVID

                No we didn't. And neither will they.

 

                                                BOOMER

                That's crazy talk. It's us against them. We lost.

 

                                                DAVID

                There is no us and them.

 

Melville ENTERS. He pushes his way through the crowd.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Get out of the way. King of the Hallways, coming through. David, don't go out there unprepared.   You don't know what moves she's got. And look at the way she's dressed. And you. You don't have   much in the way of style.

                                (pulls off his Hall Monitor Sash)

                Here. This will protect you. I'm not doing this because I like you. I'm doing this because they           misused the power they were given. It is our responsibility to wrest that power back to where it             rightfully belongs, and then hang it over their head in gleeful merriment.

 

                                                DAVID

                No thanks. I believe there's a better way.

 

David steps forward to answer "Goliatha's" challenge.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                You? Of everyone they had to pick from, they choose you?

 

Queenie limbers up and prepares for the dance of her life.

 

                                                DAVID

                There's been some hard words here. A lot of hurt feelings, on both sides. But this has to stop. You   want to dance? You'll get a dance -

 

Queenie tenses, preparing.

 

David brushes past her.

 

                                                DAVID

                But not the first one.

 

David reaches out his hand to Jill.

 

                                                DAVID

                Jill, would you like to dance?

 

Jill takes David's hand. He pulls her up from the floor. They dance across both sides (both armies) and stop at the front of the stage.

 

                                                DAVID

                I think there's someone else you'd rather be dancing with.

 

Queenie watches David dance with her younger sister. She swoons and falls backwards. The Hive catches her and lifts Queenie back to her feet.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                You picked her? Over me? Are you blind?

 

                                                DAVID

                Sometimes.

 

David gestures Jill toward Boomer.

 

                                                DAVID

                                (continuing; to Jill)

                Tell him not to drop the ball again.

 

                                                JILL

                I think you just floored the Queen Bee. She's never going to let you go now.

 

                                                DAVID

                I'll take my chances.

 

Jill grabs Boomer's hand.

 

                                                JILL

                Don't drop the ball.

 

The Misfits try to rush in and pull Boomer back. Shep steps in the way, spreading his arms to block them.

 

The Hive flutters around Queenie.

 

                                                SANDY

                He can't do that.

                                                MANDY

                He walked right by you. You're the queen.

 

                                                CANDY

                Show him who's the boss.

 

But Queenie doesn't even notice them. She's focused on David. She waves her hand, dismissing The Hive.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Girls, go find somebody to dance with.

 

The Hive grabs the Misfits and they dance.

 

Olga approaches Shep, who's dancing cool all by himself. Melville steps in Olga's path.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                Since everybody is pairing off, I think you owe me a dance. After all, I'm being gracious enough to                let you ask me. Nobody else around here is available.

 

Shep taps Melville on the back. He passes an inkpad to Olga behind Melville's back. Melville turns to face Shep. Olga grabs the rubber stamp from Melville's belt holster.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                What?

 

She stamps the rubber stamp on her inkpad. Then Olga taps Melville on the shoulder.

 

Melville turns. Olga stamps him in the middle of the forehead with the frowny face stamp. Melville reels and staggers backwards.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                No!!! Do you realize what you have done? You've made me an outcast. I'll get you for this. I did   nothing but try to help you. I was your shepherd. I was trying to lead you because you can't lead        yourselves. You're all sheep!

 

                                                OLGA

                You are no shepherd. You are a naughty noo-noo.

 

                                                MELVILLE

                I'm going to wash this off, and I'll be back. You are lucky this ink is water based.

 

Olga laughs and holds up a different inkpad. Melville scrambles at his belt. His inkpad is still there.

 

                                               

                                                OLGA

                Permanent.

 

                                                DAVID

                Seems to me I heard that whoever has the frowny face stamp gets detention. If an officer in the hall            patrol ranking as high as you gets detention, they get demoted. So I don't think you'll be doing                anything except clap erasers for the rest of the year.

 

Melville screams and EXITS.

 

The students CHEER. Shep and Olga dance.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                                (to David)

                You said you'd dance with me.

 

                                                DAVID

                Yes, I did.

 

They dance around the stage. Students disappear. The stage goes dark. Spotlight on David and Queenie. They walk to stage right.

 

Close Curtain.

 

(The Diner set appears on the other side of the stage as they are talking. Possible curtain close and David and Queenie in front of the curtain.)

 

End SCENE FOUR

-----------------------

 

Oleo Act in front of Curtain

 

                                                QUEENIE

                So what makes you so special?

 

                                                DAVID

                Nothing. I'm just a kid, like everyone else.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                I know that, but what do you do? I don't see you as a sports type. Drama? Math? What's                your        thing?

                                                DAVID

                I'm captain of the chess team.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Oh yeah? What's that like?

 

                                                DAVID

                It's tough to explain. It's a lot of responsibility. Calculating moves, possibilities, strategies. I'd need                 to show you. C'mon, I've got a game set up at the Soda Shoppe.

 

Open Curtain


SCENE FIVE - Soda Shoppe

 

David and Queenie walk to the chess board.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Is this it?

 

                                                DAVID

                Don't tell me you don't know what chess is. It's the game of kings. Strategy beyond compare. If      heaven has a game, it's chess.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Which one are you?

 

                                                DAVID

                Which one? No, you see, it's one color against another, not one piece against each other. I'm white.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                You're two moves away from check mate.

 

David's jaw drops.

 

                                                DAVID

                How?

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Fisherman's Gambit. Queen's bishop takes king's rook, and -

 

The whole gang swarms in, led by Boomer and Jill.

 

                                                BOOMER

                We knew we'd find you here. Destiny is what we said, wasn't it?

 

                                                JILL

                We all took a vote. You stepped out early, so we cast a vote for you two, too.

 

                                                DAVID

                As long as we had a voice.

 

                                                BOOMER

                You rock and roll, little brother.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                What's going on?

 

                                                SANDY

                You are totally the queen.

 

                                                MANDY

                You rule the school.

 

                                                CANDY

                You two are so adorable together.

 

Jonny punches David in the arm.

 

                                                JONNY

                You're okay.

 

                                                LONNY

                Doesn't matter what your brother says about you.

 

                                                DONNY

                You're an honorary misfit, anytime you want.

 

                                                DAVID

                I'll keep that in mind.

 

                                                JILL

                You won! We all voted you the best couple.

 

                                                SANDY

                And you voted for you, too.

 

                                                JILL

                You get the free date.

 

                                                SANDY

                Except you're already here.

 

                                                DAVID

                                (to Queenie)

                Congratulations, your highness.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                And to you, your majesty.

 

Olga and Shep take a seat nearby.

 

The main group EXITS.

 

                                                OLGA

                You were the only one who was not mean to me in the school. You were not mad at naughty Olga.

                                (drops her head)

                Even when I was a naughty noo-noo.

 

Shep lifts Olga's chin and smiles. She brightens.

 

                                                OLGA

                I know you know I am Olga. I am Olga, of course, but I do not know who your name is. I would    like very much to tell my pretty sheep about you on the telephone.

 

Shep's eyebrows raise. He tries to spell out his name in charades and pantomime. Olga doesn't get the point.

 

Shep breaks down and whispers in her ear.

 

 

 

                                               

 

                                                OLGA

                                (continuing; laughing)

                You are meant to be the perfect one for Olga. I am a shepherdess from Sweden with sheep. And    you are Shep.

                                (pause)

                Let me show you how I hug my sheep when I come back to them.

 

Olga hugs Shep. He smiles.

 

                                                SHEP

                Baaaaaa.

 

Hand in hand, Olga and Shep EXIT.

 

David moves the chessboard over to their table.

 

                                                DAVID

                I didn't know you liked chess. Why didn't you try out for the chess team?

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Cheerleading. This is who I'm supposed to be. Queen Bee. Head cheerleader. Homecoming Queen.                Prom Court. You know, popular. That's who I'm supposed to be.

 

                                                DAVID

                I don't buy that. You're not supposed to be anything. You choose what and who you want to be.

 

Queenie mulls this over for a moment.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                How'd you get so smart? You know everything, and I don't know a thing about you. But I feel like                I know you. How did you learn to be like that?

 

                                                DAVID

                I learned it from a good friend. He knows how to listen.

 

Click click of a couple of chess moves.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                So, do you want to go to a movie with me?

 

                                                DAVID

                Isn't that breaking established protocol? Isn't the boy supposed to ask for the date? And pay for it,                no doubt.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Supposed to? I though we choose what we do.

 

                                                DAVID

                Touché.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                This date here is kind of a freebie, so I thought I'd get a head start. Tell you what, I'll let

                you do the asking next time.

 

David hesitates. He's clearly at a loss for words in the middle of this power surge. He's supposed to have all the answers, not her.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                Don't forget, the Queen is the most powerful piece on the chessboard. She can do anything she       wants to.

 

                                                DAVID

                But the game isn't over until the king says it's over.

 

Silence.

 

                                                QUEENIE

                So, is the game over?

 

Silence again. Unbearable silence.

 

                                                DAVID

                                (smiles)

                Not by a long shot.

 

Close curtain.

 

The End.

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